Why didn't I buy one of these at the very beginning? Before it all got out of hand? If I'd thought rationally about all of this I could have avoided hours spent browsing online shops, inviting the hooded monk of financial ruin into my life, and all would have been well.
You have in the Merkur Progress a razor that delivers a smooth, comfortable shave even on its highest and most aggressive setting – in this case number 5 - and still manages to deliver even on its least aggressive and mildest setting (number 1). Then you have all the settings in between, offering up to the experimental shaver a wild pot pourri of combinations. The possibilities are, as the saying goes, endless. Do you start with the most aggressive setting for your first pass and then dial it down to a progressively lower setting with the subsequent passes? Or do you start low and work up to a higher setting? Do you start with 5 and end with 1? Or maybe shake things up a bit and start at 4 and then end on 2? Oh, it's all too much. And it looks good too – like a vintage razor without the prohibitively hefty price tag. Some dislike the cream adjusting knob on the bottom, saying that it sticks out like a sore thumb. A sore thumb made of cream-coloured plastic. But I quite like it.
So I go back to my original question: why didn't I simply buy one of these at the beginning? Well, when I started I was like a tiny vole, lost in the marshy grasslands and meadows of wet shaving. I wasn't even aware there were such things as adjustable safety razors, or the difference between an open and a closed comb. But in time - and with the aid of YouTube shaving maestros Geofatboy, Kensurfs, Kevy Shaves and Razor Emporium - my knowledge grew. Like a shave balloon, slowly inflating with knowledge gas.
But even if I had known of the existence of the Merkur Progress, would I have bought one and missed out on owning all the other razors in my collection? There's a simple answer to that. And it isn't yes.*
I'll say this: I love my Merkur Progress. Maybe not with the fervour that I reserve for my Fatip Grande. Or RazoRock SLOC. Or Feather Artist Club SS kamisori-style straight razor. Or even my Parker 94r. But it's love nevertheless – the sort of love you might extend towards an old pair of slippers, or a packet of biscuits, or a particularly comfortable cardigan.
In closing, I feel I should mention that the Merkur Progress is not alone. There are … others out there. Dare I mention the Parker Variant adjustable? Or the Merkur Futur adjustable? Or the Feather adjustable? Or the Rockwell 2c? I hear footsteps on the front path. The hooded monk of financial ruin is knocking on the door again. For God's sake, don't let him in.
* It's 'no'.