Feather Artist Club SS Japanese Kamisori-style Razor / Feather Artist Club SS Folding Razor

Brace yourselves, ladies and gentlemen, brace yourselves. I might be about to get quite emotional.

Take a look at the photograph that not-very-adequately captures the magnetic, come-hither stare of this bit of sensationally filthy shave pornography. Maybe put on some classical music as a soundtrack to your lustful dribblings. Classical music lovers will be able to help with suggestions here, if there are any reading this. Or, indeed, if anyone's reading this. Does Carl Orff's Carmina Burana suggest the sort of carnal excitement that arises from staring longingly at the razors shown? No? Something soaring and majestic, then, like a symphony made of musical eagles. Something that sings to your senses and raises them to previously unimagined heights. Or something soothing and supremely relaxing, as outrageously comfortable as only a gigantic, orchestral waterbed with sumptuous sheets of singing violins can be. Alternatively, pop on How Do You Do It? by Gerry and The Pacemakers.

Now – bask in the sheer beauty of the Feather Artist Club SS kamisori-style razor. That's the one at the top of the photograph. Imagine getting your hands on that. I know. I know. Shaving paradise.

Look, this is pointless. I can't possibly describe just how much I adore this razor: the thrillingly ergonomic handle, the beautifully curved blade holder and the ingenious blade-loading system that, with the aid of a container of 20 Feather Professional injector blades, allows you to insert one into the razor without the risk of slicing your finger off. Or if not the whole finger, certainly a good chunk of it, depending on how clumsy you are. In fact, that blade loading-system also applies to the equally fine razor pictured underneath the kamisori-style one. Those dark, handsome good looks tell you its the Feather Artist Club SS Folding Razor. Cor. I definitely would. I want to take it in my arms and smother it with butterfly kisses, then propose to it in front of the famous hanging houses* of Cuenca in Spain.

* Las Casas Colgadas if you must know. And you must.

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