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before you read any further.
Ok. Have you read it? Right. Carry on.
Dear David
Can I call you 'David'? Or would you prefer 'Dave'? Or 'Davey'? Or 'Daffyd'? Or … Oh - does it even matter?
Anyway, David. Let me start with the following statement:
I love you.
Is that too strong? In a way, yes. But in another, entirely different and slightly-less-creepy way, no. Because you are one of the few - but soon to be many, I'm convinced of that - to have taken the bold and, if I may say so, life-changing step of subscribing to Dave Shaves. What a visionary you are. You're a hero. No, you're more than that.
You're a superhero.
You're like Batman. You're like Batman, in the Batcave, going "Bloody hell, Alfred. I need a good, smooth shave but my electric razor and/or multi-blade monstrosity just don't appear to cut the mustard. I mean, they shave me, true enough, but not with the purity that a double-or-single- edged safety razor, straight razor or shavette would deliver. I need to find a website or blog that will inform yet, hopefully, entertain at the same time and thus furnish me with the confidence to buy a razor. Then, I can go out and fight crime with a really smooth, stubble-free chin. Alfred? Alfred? Wake up - I'm talking to you."
Am I right? Is that you, right now, David? I bet it is. Except of course, you're not saying that to Alfred, because he's a fictional character. You're saying it to your wife. I know nothing about you, of course, but I imagine her to be French. Or maybe French-Canadian. But definitely a French speaker. Her eyes are wet with admiring tears and she's going, "Mon dieu, Big D. You've subscribed to Dave Shaves? C'est incroyable. If only I could subscribe too." and then you're going, "But you can, Antoinette, for God's sake. You can. Look - just put your email address in here. No, not there, that's the toaster. Here. Here. No - that's the washing machine. Here, for Christ's sake. Here. Oh for God's sake, Antoinette, I'll do it for you."
I'm guessing about her name, of course. But she, like you, as a new subscriber, will receive notifications whenever a new post hits the Dave Shaves blog. She, again like you, will grow to love them with a passion that no one has a right to have for an email notification. I know what this uncontrollable passion is like. I get the same feeling whenever I take out my RazoRock DE Self-lubricating Open-Comb razor. Or my Fatip (pronounced fa-teeep) DE Grande Gold Classic Original safety razor. But I was like you once: thick and gittish in the ways of wet shaving. I mean that in the nicest possible way. But, in the words of Phil Collins, Take a look at me now/blah blah blah/something something/against the odds/and that's a chance I've got to take. Words which, I'm sure you'll agree, are extremely telling. But you haven't emailed me to have Phil Collins' lyrics quoted at you. No - you asked me a question and I feel it's my duty to answer it.
Yes, David Stanbridge. Yes. I rather think I can help you. I can rugby tackle you before you head too far down the disposable razor route, and bring you crashing to the ground. Then pick you up by the lapels, knee you in the stomach to double you over and then, after delivering a few lightening-fast jabs to the ribs, smash a shattering right cross to the chin and send you staggering down the tree-lined avenue of proper, old-school wet shaving. You'll be stunned and slightly unsteady at first, of course, on account of the vicious, but rightly-deserved beating I've just handed to you. The important thing, though, is that you'll be travelling in the right direction at last.
Talking of direction, this next bit's important and isn't just me waffling away. I don't know about you, but personally I have to have a shave every day, as I can't bear going to bed with stubble. So I hardly ever get to see my face with more than a day's growth on there. But, if you're happy to let your facial hair grow for more than a few days, this is a good thing as you'll be able to have a good look in the bathroom mirror and a feel around so that you can properly work out which direction your hair grows. It's called Grain Mapping, which you can find out more about here and is important when it comes to actually shaving as it will ultimately help to achieve an irritation-free shave.
You'll be performing what's commonly called a Three-Pass Shave. In other words you'll lather up three times and each time you'll shave in a different direction. The first time, with the grain (WTG), meaning you'll be shaving in the direction that your beard grows. However, not everyone's hair grows in the same direction. So if you can do the Grain Mapping exercise, it will help. On a personal note, I'd rather go into battle with someone who knows which way their facial hair grows by my side that someone who doesn't. Don't be one of those people, David. The second pass will be across the grain (XTG) which speaks for itself and the third pass, if you need one by this point (not everyone does), will be against the grain (ATG). This whole process is called Progressive Beard Reduction. In other words, you're not trying to remove all your facial hair in one go. No – you're gradually reducing the hair with each pass. Still confused? Don't worry. Trust me. I know what I'm doing.
THE EQUIPMENT
If you're in the UK and have a large Sainsbury's near you, you'll be able to pick up some of the following there. You'll need a brush and some shaving cream/soap. I'm not talking about squirty cans of foam or shaving gel either. I mean proper shaving soap.
SHAVING CREAM
Try this stuff here. You might think "Yikes! £10? Get the flip out of here, Dave Shaves!" But - you only need a small amount (almond-sized) in the bottom of a bowl to whip up a good, creamy lather, so it'll last for ages and justify the expense. Hawkins & Brimble is one of my favourite shaving creams. Notice I said one of. There are so many out there. So little time, David, and so many shaving creams. Hawkins & Brimble also do quite a nice after-shave balm. However – shaving soaps, creams and pre-and-post-shave creams, gels and balms are all very subjective. As are razors. And brushes. Hang on – did someone mention brushes?
BRUSH
Blimey. As if the choice of razors isn't bad enough. Start looking at shaving brushes and you're entering a whole new world of financial ruin. But you might find that wet shaving isn't for you if, for instance, you're insane - so why spend money you don't need to spend, at least initially? You can get a brush from the Body Shop here which is £8, but this one in Sainsbury's is a lot cheaper. To be honest, you get what you pay for, and it's not the best brush you'll ever use and you do notice the difference the more you pay, but I'll leave that decision up to you. If you want to see how much money you can spend on shaving brushes, have a look at this. And that's not even the most expensive one you can get. It's a terrifying world we live in, David.
THE RAZOR
I'd recommend this one from Amazon. It's £18. It's a good price, though, for a great razor for beginners and delivers a smooth, non-aggressive shave.*
There's also this one here which is apparently fine. I can't comment because I don't own one. I tend to go for the short-handled razors rather than the longer-handled ones but that's just down to my own personal preference. Or there's this one here if you want to see what's at the other end of the price spectrum. Just so you know - I would never spend that amount on a razor.**
So - you have your brush, your soap or cream and your razor. You'll need some blades. Again, Sainsbury's do them if you go into one of their stores. But you can get razor blades online. Like brushes and razors and creams there are so many to choose from. I'd recommend trying one of these sampler packs, so you can try out different ones. One person's favourite blade will be another person's arch enemy, so it'll be down to research on your part to find out which ones you prefer.
* When I refer to a razor being aggressive or otherwise, I am of course referring to how much blade exposure the head of the razor allows and, consequently, how close the shave is. I'm not suggesting the razor's about to engage in fisticuffs. Although after I first used a Muhle R41 you'd have been forgiven for thinking that that's what had happened. That was one close shave, as the many, many little cuts on my chin and neck proved. I looked as though I'd dived face first through a barbed wire fence.
** Never. There lies madness. And guilt.
RIGHT, SO HOW DO I ACTUALLY SHAVE THEN?
Good question.
Watch this. It's a tutorial on how to shave with a DE safety razor (DE meaning double edge). Watching it will give you a far better education in how to shave properly than I can and will also give some pointers on building a lather.* This video by Brian of Executive Shaving is excellent. Ignore the bit about pre-shave oil at this stage. Just pay attention to the stuff about preparation, lathering the soap/cream and the actual shave itself. There are many, many similar videos on YouTube, but I thought I'd save you the hassle of looking for a good one. Just for a bit of variety you could also watch this one here, for God's sake which is equally as good. Or even this one here, David.
Does that all help? If you've got any questions then please do ask away. That's what Dave Shaves is here for. I know that's a lot to take in, but you did ask and it's not really the sort of thing that can be answered in just a few short sentences. What I would say is that it'll take a bit of getting used to and a few shaves before you feel properly comfortable. Go slowly at first and start with the razor flat against your face then move it out to about a 30 degree angle to find the right cutting angle. The videos I've recommended talk about this. Also - expect a few little cuts. They won't be anything major, but you might want to get one of these, which will help with the bleeding. It can sting like hell (if you're a great big cry-baby) when you put it on, but it's really good at making the bleeding stop.
Now go, David. Walk out the door. Don't turn around now. Just keep going down the hallway, then up the stairs. Bathroom's first on your left.**
What are you waiting for? Your shave awaits you.
* I mean, obviously if I did do a How To Shave tutorial video it would be brilliant. Obviously. But I hate seeing myself on camera - God-like though I am - and I hate the sound of my own voice (deep, booming and commanding though it is).
** Having said in Before You Do Anything ... that you haven't come here to have Phil Collins' lyrics quoted at you, here I am deliberately misquoting Gloria Gaynor's I Will Survive. And obviously it goes without saying - although I'm saying it - that going down the hall and up the stairs to get to your bathroom doesn't apply if you live in a flat or a bungalow. Even if you do live in a house and have to go upstairs to get to the bathroom, it may well be situated somewhere other than first on the left.